World Autism Awareness Day and My Son

Since today is World Autism Awareness Day, I just want to put this out there (again): My son has autism and we are so very fortunate that he is verbal (sometimes TOO verbal), he looks normal, he's wicked smart and has an amazing artistic side. My son is also verbally abusive, borderline violent with his sister (beyond typical bro-sis interactions) and he can cut your heart with words you never would say to another soul. He is my son, he has autism and I love him. So much that I will snap at people who make assumptions, offer unsolicited advice, judge, etc.

When you see a kid having a "temper tantrum" at the store, screeching at the top of their lungs in the parking lot or flailing on the floor at the checkout, please do not assume to know what is happening. Since our son's diagnosis 7 years ago, I have made a conscious effort to stop and think about that family. It could very well be a tantrum for not getting what they want, could be a kid mad at mom for busting him doing something naughty. It could be a loud noise has scared a hypersensitive child and sent them in sensory overload (Donovan would FUH REAK out at the toilets flushing at McDonalds), it could be a slight change in the plans or an omission on mom's part about one extra stop.

These kids thrive on knowing what's going on when they are out of their element, out of their safety zone. Please don't jump to conclusions about these kids. They are little humans who need extra support.

Also? If you see a mom, dad or caretaker struggling, there is no harm in asking if you can help. If they lash out at you and tell you to mind your own business then you have done what you can. I will never forget when Donovan and I were at the mall a few years ago, just he and I. It was impossible to get him to the car and he didn't care that we were running late. I had a breakdown on the trunk of my car, wracked with tears, sobbing at how I was failing my son. My son, who was screaming he hates me from the backseat, refusing to stay buckled, threatening to run into the freeway traffic, my son, my baby boy.

A kind woman came upon us and put her arms around me, just held me. Told me it would get better and just held me. She told my son that he was hurting me and he spat something horrible at her, she took it like a champ and asked if I needed anything else. I was mortified at my actions and with my head still down on the trunk, drowning in tears, I said no. But I was so thankful for her, this stranger, having never looked at her, not knowing her name or anything. I was so very VERY blessed that this woman stopped to comfort me. It doesn't hurt to ask if you can help - some of us accept it, some of us don't. Do what you can. Please be aware and be supportive.

Where's The Baby?

I usually get home from work around 1030 or so each night. When I come in, bless his heart, my husband is usually asleep on the couch and the 3yo is playing her Plants v Zombies You Tube videos on the laptop next to him. Sometimes we are blessed with the miracle of sleep and Celia will actually be in bed. We don't hold our breaths because we like this living thing we have going on. The older two usually fall asleep on the couches and that's a battle I don't fight. Kirk is the one who has to deal with them at bedtime so it's his call I say. When I'm home in the evening, I try to get at least one of them into their own bed. Doesn't work too often.

So.

I get home from work tonight and count two kids asleep on the couch (oh, the husband too - it's a team effort, snoozing away to Chopped and Sweet Genius) and figure Celia is sleeping in her bed. I start cleaning then wonder if she's chilly so I go look in.

Can you find the baby? Honest to Pete, I could not find her for a few minutes. Granted, the lights were out for the first couple minutes but the panic? Oy. It came on hard and fast. I finally saw her in the dark and knew it was something that needed to be documented. I left her like that (horrible mama!) while I cleaned the kitchen disaster and she woke up on her own about 30 minutes later. Poor thing said she had booboos and pointed to her knees. Eep, perhaps I should have moved her earlier? (horrible mama!)

Now I need to attempt waking up the husband. Again. And probably again a dozen times. When he's out, nothing wakes him up. Lawcy mercy.......

The Scream That Rounded Out Day 1 of 2013

I don't know if y'all heard a scream about 20 minutes ago but um, yeah, it was loud. I secretly left the house (secret from the kids) and met my brother in law to pick up my niece, Baby Girl. She hasn't stayed with us in quite some time and I was so excited to see her. When we got home, I wasn't sure if my three kids were asleep or not (it was right near bedtime). We came inside, oh so quietly. Baby Girl peeked into my room to see if Sophia was sleeping on my bed. She whispered back, "She's awake!" and I told her to say BOO! to Sophia. 

Oh the screams and giggles!! So much happiness and excitement! It was worth the temporary ringing in the ears. Even the husband, who's not feeling well, was all smiles. What an awesome way to end the first day of the new year.

The beginning? Oy, that was rough. I didn't go out, ha! Like I would've had the time. I worked until ten last night and was back to work at 7am. Yes, there are places open all night and day, even New Years. I started answering the phone at work with the greeting and "Yes, we are open today, all day". It was brutally slow and I was sure a slow, painful death was my only way out. 

All of a sudden, the flood gates opened, someone put out a news bulletin, the billboards on the freeway must have said we were open and boom! slammed with customers. I had one cashier. Another was late. It wasn't pretty for awhile there but we pulled through. Bonus? No pissed off customers. WIN! 

All in all, a fantastic first day of the year. I hope your first day was a good one and if it wasn't? It's OK, there are lots of days ahead. 

Welcome 2013, make me proud!

The Parent Rap

Hands down, funniest thing I've seen in so long. So accurate and true. Enjoy:



Thanks Georgia for posting this!

All They Want For Christmas Is.....Everything. Of Course.

   It goes without saying that they will not be getting everything. Puppy dog eyes be damned. No matter how many pleases we get. No matter how good their behavior (they would get nothing with that one). We're going on one big gift with each of the kids and make the stockings more of the little things. 

   My Kindle is always taken over by the children. All three of them fight over it, it's my turn, you went on it first yesterday! Eees my acowwwwnt (three years old and she stands up for herself. fiercely). So we've decided that Donovan and Sophia are each getting their own Kindle. Not the HD one mind you, no, they can live luxuriously with the original Fire. We'll pre load it with the games they love and a couple surprise ones for them. As we do with my Kindle, the internet access and any purchases will be password protected. 

   I know there are some people who will say we are spoiling them with this purchase. That's fine if you want to think that. I look at it several other ways:

• My children are ridiculously adept at all things technology related. 
• My children prefer electronic games and I can't blame them. They like board games but honestly, they just end up in fights every single time we play. We can't even get through a whole round of turns before a game piece is air born or someone says something hurtful to someone else.  
• My children get along better (ergo, peace in my house) when they are engrossed in something educational (most of the time) and/or supremely fun. Reading skills skyrocketed and math is improving with both of the kids. I can't deny that.
• I make them read real books and magazines (NatGeo, SIforKids) as much as I can. 
• I don't have the room for any more toys. They only play with them for a week and then they are forgotten for the rest of the year or until I go to sell them. I really wish I was kidding on this one. You should see the boxes of toys we have in the storage room downstairs. Stuff they haven't seen in over a year. Boxes. As in many plurals. Many. 
• Amazon gift cards don't take up space. At all. Anywhere. WIN!
• Having gift cards to spend will help the kids continue learning about saving money and not blowing it all in one sitting. I can't get them to learn this lesson to save my life. Granted Donovan had $40+ in his piggy bank and was able to get 2 DS games but that's because his bank was in one of those boxes. That sat in the basement. For a year. Forgotten about. Oh hey look! Money! Spent it all in 4.3 minutes at Game Stop.

   So if anyone in my family and friends circle is thinking of getting the older kids something for Christmas, please consider Amazon gift cards. If you want to get them clothes or DVDs, I'm down with that. I must really insist on no big toys, annoying toys* or candy. Donovan still has his DS (Sophia's is shot and will not be replaced) and is still obsessed with Spiderman, Angry Birds and cold, hard cash. Sophia loves books (yay!), anything pink and cash too. Hey, I'm just telling ya'll what they tell me. But who doesn't love cash amirite?

    Celia is easy peasy. She's getting Plants v Zombies for her DS. She also loves Angry Birds, Plants v Zombies and Strawberry Shortcake. So yeah, DVDs or anything with the above mentioned characters. 

   So there we go, the kids' lists (via Mama's destruction decimation editing). 

* I would like to point out that I rarely (if ever) purchased annoying toys for my friends' kids. So there's that. 

See How Well That Worked Out?

Yeah that whole NaBloPoMo thing just wasn't in the books for me. I realized it when I woke up last night (one of the dozen times) and realized I was late. Bummer. Eh, I'll keep trucking along though. It'll do me some good to get back into writing (or what barely passes as writing for me).

So you've seen Magic Mike yes? I rented it the other day and um, wow. Not the wow you would think I'd be saying as a red blooded woman. Some thoughts, if you will indulge me.

• I can't possibly be the only one that giggled through a good portion of the dance scenes. The hip thrusts in beat to the machine gun sounds? I thought I was going to pee myself. Not the result they were looking for, I'm sure. 
• Alex Pettyfer? Sweet fancy Moses. I had a highly inappropriate dream involving Mr. Pettyfer a couple nights before renting this movie. I had no idea I would be watching the movie a couple days after the dream but I tell you, that dream sure spurred the motivation to get it from Redbox. I wish I could share the dream (since all of mine are weird and this one is no exception) but I won't do that to ya'll. 
• Tatum Channing? Great googly moogly. Eye candy indeed. I love his slow, sensual dances but the other cheesy stuff? I just.....can't. Can't get into it the way they would've liked me to. But I would still watch him dance anytime. Also? His wife is one lucky bitch. The moves that man must have in the bedroom? Hooooo-eeeeee. 
• I always, and I do mean always, call him Chatum Tanning when I first say his name. It's a gift.
• Matthew McConaughey was really good at a playing sleazy, greasy haired douche bag extraordinaire. 
• I wasn't expecting a deep storyline but uh, what the hell happened at the end there? All of a sudden, credits. Wait, what? I'm still bitter about that.

I did enjoy the movie but I giggled far more than I should have, felt embarrassed far more than I should have and that dirty old lady feeling? Yep, had that a few times. I watched the movie in my room since the kids commandeered the living room preparing for trick or treating. At one point Donovan walked in and before I could hit stop, he saw Matthew McConaughey's cheeks in his ass less chaps. He quick covered his eyes and said, "Oh God! What the? I wish I could unsee that!  MOMMY!!!" 

I need to invest in Depends.

Vacation Time

For my anxiety, that is.

We have decided, after a lot of thought and consideration, to take Donovan off of the waiting list for the two week psychiatric evaluation. It wasn't an easy choice but it's one we feel is right. For right now.

He has not talked about suicide since the window jumping attempt. He still gets overwhelmed and will cry frequently, sometimes saying he wants to die. I think it's important to note that there is a significant difference between him wanting to die and him declaring he wants to kill himself. It may seem the same to those not used to this talk but I assure you, it's not.

When he is frustrated, he has reached his breaking point. He cannot handle whatever is going on or whatever is agitating him (school work, transitions {oh those damn transitions!}, etc) and he just wants it all to go away. He says he wants to die because in his brain, the problem will go away. He doesn't really want to die  but it's the only way he can articulate how he's feeling. He knows that someone will acknowledge what he's saying and feeling.

When he says he wants to kill himself, we get worried (uh, duh?) and we take these statements very seriously. His talk of killing himself is scary to anyone who knows him and hell, even those of you that don't know him. We know to let him get everything out verbally but keep him safe at the same time. Killing himself means he has been thinking about it. He knows how he would do it, he'll tell you. He hates everyone when he is like that.

I know I probably didn't explain it so it makes sense, and I apologize, but listen, this doesn't make sense to us. We are learning new things all the time with Donovan. What sets him off and lo, that list is long and ever changing and evolving. The list of things that settle him down is just as complicated. There is no blanket solution for any escalation. It's tiring but hey, we do what we have to for our children yes?

In other Donovan kicking Aspergers' Ass news, his medications have been reduced and we're hoping in 2 weeks we can get him off on one med all together. I don't think I've ever shared what he's on and I'd like to, just in case anyone was interested.

In the AM he takes 300mg  SeroquelXR  and 40mg  Propranolol
At noon he takes 40mg  Propranolal
In the PM he takes (deep breath) 300mg SeroquelXR, 40mg Propranolal, 500mg Depokat and 3mg Melatonin

He was taking 450mg of SeroquelXR but it's been reduced now and with any luck, the Propranolal will go away after the elections. This is a huge relief for us because who really wants to medicate their child so much? Not us.

He is so much more mellow during the day, outbursts and frustrations are decreased. He had been spending his school days (for the last three weeks) in a conference room with his para or teacher, not able to be in the classroom due to the behaviors that would get a mainstreamed kid kicked out of school. I'm so happy to share that he has been in his classroom, full days!, for this last week and a half. He's had a couple rough spots but overall? Tremendous improvement! Hence, the Propranolal being eliminated (hopefully).

Side note on the meds: he has been on just about every medication out there - Ritalin, Abilify, Sertraline, Clonidine, a wide array of mood stabilizers, selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), Intuniv, Adderall (hands down, the worst thing he was on - so violent), Concerta, Focaline, you name it, he's been on it. So for us to be able to decrease one med and possibly take one out completely? AMAZING! And look, I know his brain and chemical balances are ever changing, we will always have to tweak his meds, but this is just what our family needs right now. This is a good change.

So for once, I'm not complaining about Aspergers and it's shitty treatment of my kid. Yay for us!!